Men may come and men may go but marriage goes on forever. For as long as we the “human race” can remember, one thing that has been as certain as day and night is MARRIAGE.
A successful love relationship? Let’s get married. Experienced a heartbreak? Get him/her married? Got a job and feel like everything in life is sorted? It’s time to get married. And finally “Haww you’re 30? You better get married” Every achievement or failure boils down to one thing, Marriage.
The power of marriage is such that even a pandemic can’t stop it from taking place (post-marriage people get infected and die, that’s a whole different story). One of the few things that this pandemic managed to change was the number of guest on the list (did anyone of you made it to the top 50 list of any Shaadi?) However the new marriage advertisements looks somewhat like this-
“A beautiful/handsome, professionally sound, mask-wearing, COVID negative bride/groom wanted”.
So just in case if the almost retired lot at your place is all set to take up the matchmaking internship and you can’t think of a way out, here’s how you can redeem yourself.
Presenting the best ways of rejecting a marriage proposal.
- Do it the Manjulika way- The ever so famous Majulika from Bhool Bhulaiya not only taught us that multiple personality disorder is a thing but also how to scare the shit out of people without the presence of an actual ghost. So the next time when your parents set-up your meeting with someone you ain’t interested in, let your inner ghost do the talking. Put on some green lenses & make eye contact they won’t forget for the rest of their lives. Simply introduce them to your inner Emily Rose or Manjulika for that matter.
- Say that you are Positive- No I’m not talking about Corona positive but another famous positive; HIV positive. This can never fail. Apart from the emotional support and all the crap, we all know what other purpose does arrange marriages serves right? Try saying this with utmost sincerity in eyes and witness their dopamine rush die Tommy’s death.
- Hi to the LGBT- Let’s address the elephant in the room. For ones, brown parents can accept that ghost exists but accepting that one can incline towards the same gender is a tough pill to swallow. So how about using this taboo to dodge the marriage ball? Telling your potential would-be that you have interest in the same sex will kill their interest in you immediately to the bits.
- The barren land- The second most important reason for marriage is kids. Even though the Gen X parents are struggling real hard to raise them but still they just can’t resist having at least a couple of them. If marriage is not on your cards then why not use the narrow mindedness of the Indian society to your benefit? So telling them that you are incapable of having children will immediately get them thinking of the next marriage proposal they have on the list.
PRO TIP- Only use the above-mentioned tip in either of the two cases.
- If you have your someone special ready to be with you for the next seven lives and not dumb you in the middle of the journey keeping you wonder “oh shit what the fuck did I do”. We wouldn’t want our lovelies to spend the rest of their lives alone.
- Or if you don’t want to marry at all. Because let’s face it, after saying any of the above-mentioned stuff you will never qualify for the arrange marriage race ever again (Thanks to your relatives and those 4 people of the society).
So the next time you feel some IndianMatchMaking is going to take place and you’ll be forced to meet someone, try using these tips and thank me later (you can bash me too if these tips backfire).
Finally, before the critics read it and start yelling at me for being completely insensitive, time for a disclaimer.
I completely understand that people around are facing these problems and have a hard time coping up with it living in this society. The intention behind writing this blog is sheer entertainment and not to hurt anyone’s feelings or sentiments.